kristin has been a bad kristin
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
