Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
