I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
