I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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