good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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