Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
