im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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