last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My dick has a subreddit
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
