dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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