i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
