Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
