i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
