ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
