i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I am spending my child support on dildos
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
And then my night got REAL pukey
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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