I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
