I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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