you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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