Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
