the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
