She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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