Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
