I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
