If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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