You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
