i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
