I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
