i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
