I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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