If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
