when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
