would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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