you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
