STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
