We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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