come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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