I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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