I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
