Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
