You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Send help, water and tortillas.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
