dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
