It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
