we have pet lesbian snakes
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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