bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
