i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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