Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
