Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
