Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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