yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
