oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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