Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
