Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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